I put something on facebook a few weeks ago and I'll just share it with you:
" Being a mother is undoubtedly the greatest "job" I will ever have. To
many in this world, I am sacrificing too much (career, college, money
spend on my Masters, etc) by staying home with my boys. To this I can
only say that this is what I am called to do and I will never regret it!
I am humbled by the opportunity to raise my sons and to be a witness
to these years full of "firsts". I do not want to take this task and
opportunity for granted!"
It had been one of those days where I let one too many comments get me. I was reading a blog and my bible and felt overwhelmed by God's presence and his plan.
On days when I doing what I know I am called to do, I am not stressed out. I am GREAT! On days when I am trying to cram too many tasks in, stretching myself too thin with a task for this ministry, doing this for church, this for school, etc. - I get STRESSED. Then I ask myself, "am I doing what I am supposed to do or what I THINK others expect of me?". Invariably, I find that I am trying to live up to the expectations I THINK others have of me and not necessarily what I should be doing. We know God doesn't want us to be overstressed. That leads to short tempers, not enough time for our kids and husbands and then we give God our leftover crumbs or nothing at all.
A few weeks ago I started writing some things in a journal and found myself sort of plotting out the journey I have been on in regards to my career/school/job/"mommydom". I wanted to share it with you, but I am going to break it into parts so it isn't too long. I hope you will hear my heart in this. I am NOT writing in condemnation of anyone else and their choices for their family. I am simply sharing my journey and my heart.
Part One -
I started out as a young kindergartener saying I was going to be a pediatrician, pharmacist or President of the United States. For a brief stint in 4th grade, I was going to be an astronaut. My teacher was trying out for the Teacher in Space program. Then the Challenger exploded and I changed my mind about that!
From that point on I said I wanted to be a doctor. I loved science and especially loved studying the human body. I took Anatomy and Physiology my Senior year of high school and we went to University of Cincinnati Medical School to see cadavers. I was enthralled! I read medical books of symptoms/diseases at home for fun. I was completely smitten with the TV show ER when it started that year.
Upon entering college, I immediately declared a major in Biology with a minor in Chemistry. My first class, BIO 151, almost changed my mind. The instructor was hard and BORING! But, I kept on and got into more interesting classes. Anatomy and Physiology was a two semester course and Dr. Mann was my professor. SHE WAS FABULOUS! I remember memorizing all the bones in the body and how I enjoyed studying for that class! I then took Zoology with Dr. Mann and Embryology. Somewhere in there, my personal life got really complicated and some really negative things happened with my family. I suddenly gave up on Medical School and my dream of being a doctor. I got depressed and skipped a lot of classes. I still made decent grades, but my zeal for more schooling dissipated.
Looking back, there are things I would have done differently. For starters, i would have tried to disregard all the junk going on in my family and sought help. Everything that could go wrong my junior year did go wrong! Every obstacle that could get in my way did. I got bogged down in the consequences of others' choices and retreated further in myself. I decided medical school wasn't an option and I gave up - pure and simple.
The neat thing is - God had a different plan for me. It didn't include medical school, but it did include helping people. It offered a way for me to take the situations I had dealt with in my life and make some good of them working with others.
Look for the next blog post this week to see what happened next.......
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment