In the Blink of an Eye

Somehow my boys are getting bigger. I know, I know - this happens to all of us. I feel like I should still be 16 some days: laying out in the backyard, drinking golfer's specials at the Country Club and waiting to see what movie was going to be playing on Friday night. Obviously, I am not 16 anymore and I realize that happened quickly! BUT - when the kids are mine, I really wish time would march a little slower!

I don't know why, but I am a little melancholy this week.

I found myself laying down with Noah several days and watching his little face as he fell asleep for a nap. I was thinking about how in a few short months he would be going to Kindergarten. He'll be away from me all day and I know once school starts for him, time will pass even faster (as it has with Blake). Our lunches together and time playing while Blake is at school will be no more. He'll be a big kid with homework and playmates. It seems nearly impossible that I am even thinking about this for him. Literally overnight he has lost his pudgy little toddler belly and chubby little hands. He is taller, skinnier and showing more independence. It really seems like yesterday he was toddling around here, barely putting words together. Maybe I see Andy and the stage he is in right now and it really highlights how big Noah is and what a difference there is between almost 2 and almost 5. Still.....it just doesn't seem possible!

Blake seems to be a big kid already. He still "needs" me, but not in the same way. In less than 30 days, his first grade year will be over. He will be moving on up to a different hallway at school, a different area at church and a bigger league for sports. Second grade is not "old" by any stretch, but it certainly seems older than I am ready for, for him! It is fun to do projects with him and spend time "creating" in my craft room. It is interesting to hear the things he is curious about and try to research the answers to his questions. I am thankful that he still talks to me and wants to know what I think. I am holding on to that for as long as I can!

Andy is making more strides each day with his communicating. Phrases are being pieced together to make sentences. He follows conversation and answers correctly. He definitely still repeats himself a lot, but you can almost see the little gears turning in his head as he pieces thoughts together. He still has the piercing blue eyes and a smile that can win over even the coldest of hearts. He thinks he is as big as his older brothers! I love that he still is cuddly and there is nothing greater than when he runs toward me with arms open wide to embrace me in a bear hug!

I so want to enjoy these moments with my boys. I want to savor even the difficult and discouraging moments. Yesterday walking through Sam's Club, Greg and I had two carts and three rowdy boys. An older couple was approaching us in the aisle and they both got humongous grins on their faces. The gentleman said, "You all remind me of Mother and me. We had three boys and we loved every minute of it!"......I know all too well that Greg and I will blink and we'll be the "grandparents" walking the aisle of Kroger looking wistfully on as a young couple corrals their little ones. I don't want any moment, any opportunity to pass me by right now. I want so badly to be present, to be available to my boys right now when they need me most.

Wanting to be present with my children sometimes means neglecting other duties. I am warning people right now: when you come to my house, baseboards may be dusty, windows may need to be washed and there may be mundane tasks simply undone. I have the rest of my life to have the most spotless house in town. My boys will only live in this house for the next 12-16 years before they leave us for college and "grown-up" life. I am going to save my energy and focus for spending time with them now, while they are physically in my presence and under my influence! I know they won't remember how clean their mom's house was, but they will certainly remember the stories we read, the games we played and the conversations we had. This may not slow down their growing up, but it will certainly enable me to be a bigger part of it and not miss the important moments!