Yesterday, I composed some of this email in my head when I was upset. Wisely, I chose to not spew venom on this blog. Although I have no problem being honest about having tough days as a mom, I felt my level of frustration was inappropriate for social media/blogging. I was immediately reminded of a dear fried of mine from college. Last week she was struggling with her roles and experiences as a mom. She posted something on facebook. Another good friend wrote back and had the best response - totally honest and raw.
If you judge others' lives and experiences by what you see on facebook, everything is rosy. All children have on clean clothes, eat with proper table manners, never fight with a sibling, always respond kindly and with respect and are all star athletes and academic geniuses. BUT (and that is a HUGE but), if you were able to really glimpse a small portion of each person's reality, you would see something very similar to your experience. Every mom and dad out there are learning as they go. True, some people come more naturally to parenting skills than others, but none of us were handed an owner's manual in the delivery room of how to parent and raise our children. We all have to figure this out as we go. Some days we really get it right and, at least from my perspective, some days we really blow it.
Fortunately, I have learned to ask my kids for forgiveness. I HOPE it has enabled me to model for them that none of us are perfect. They see that adults make mistakes, don't have all the right answers, we argue, we disagree, we get upset and we learn things everyday too.
Let me give you a peek into my day yesterday -
We are in the middle of VBS this week. Our church really does VBS up and it is a great experience for all involved. It is a long week, however, and kids are up well past their bedtimes each night....even for summer. We were on vacation all last week. We came back and immediately had many things we had to do, some planned and some not (like Jake having allergic reaction to sunscreen and needing to go to doctor).
Yesterday we had been invited to go swimming with a friend of ours. I thought I was doing well - towels were already packed, cooler packed, kids had breakfast, and we were all getting swim stuff on.......then I realized Noah had taken bottle of sunscreen that Jake could use to school the previous day and not brought it home. (Yes he should be more responsible, but I also know he is very forgetful and I should have checked his bag) I went looking for the really expensive/special sunscreen and it was missing. I called Kroger to order more and they didn't have any in stock. The LAST thing I wanted to do was run four kids into Walmart.
I was unhappy and blamed Noah for losing sunscreen. (Mommy fail #1)
We piled in car after I had threatened to just not go (Mommy fail #2-threatning). At this point, we were running 30 minutes behind. We decided to run into Kmart since it was closer. I go inside carrying Jake (Mr. 30 lbs) and the other three trailing behind. They had sunscreen, but not one single kind that was "sensitive skin". SERIOUSLY???
We load back up in the car and drive to Walmart. We all go in again (this time I am smarter and put Jake in cart) and we find sunscreen that will work. We leave and head to pool. By the time I get everyone lathered up, Jake is screaming to get out of his stroller. I take him inside to get a swim diaper on and realize that he has a dirty diaper on (thank you antibiotics). He has poop ALL down his legs and I have no wipes. (Mommy fail #3) Fortunately I can reach toilet paper and a sink. I get him cleaned up and back outside. He then proceeded to SCREAM off and on for the next 2 hours. The older three boys were having a big time and playing with their friends. All my other friends were laying on their towels soaking up sun and occasionally shouting out and running interference with the big kids. (This is my perception of course). I, on the other hand, spent the majority of my time trying to convince Jake to like the water. I wasn't very successful. The older boys were spatting towards the end and being silly with water guns, etc.
By the time I got everyone in the car and headed for home, I felt like I needed a nap in a BAD way. I got Jake home and in bed, made Andy lay down on his bed and put Blake and Noah in separate places to read and rest. I finally got in the shower and fortunately had about an hour to regroup before going to VBS. I was in a BAD mindset. I had to do some major pep talk with myself to gear up to get everyone back together, in the car and delivered to their respective VBS classes on time.
*******NOTE*******
I composed this blog post about three weeks ago. I didn't post it immediately. I seriously considered never posting it, but felt that I should after reading back through it.
We are so hard on each other sometimes.
Moms are not perfect. There - I said it.
Some days we simply move on auto-pilot and the best we can do is keep all of our children from being physically harmed and emotionally neglected.
Some days we are firing on all cylinders - make things for school, have healthy, balanced meals for our families and a clean house with all laundry put away.
Most days are in between those two.
BUT and this is a BIG BUT - on all of those days we desperately love our kids. We want so badly to be the "best" mom and have the "best" kids that we can sometimes be our own worst enemy. I have come to learn that my kids will not remember every single birthday party (and if they had a Walmart cake vs. homemade crazy amazing concoction). They won't know that we spent $10 on treats for their class Valentine party or 5 hours on handmade Pinterest creations. They will remember that I took time to read to them and play a game. They will remember me letting them help make cupcakes instead of me insisting they be "perfect". I hope they will remember all of the time we invest in just being with them.
So if you are with me and feel really sub-par some days, I pray you will extend some grace to yourself. Extend some grace to other moms around you. Teach your kids about love. Model forgiveness. Explain and help model boundaries. Share your struggles and how God lifts you back up. Above all else, LOVE YOUR KIDS!