Insecurity

I have been reading Beth Moore's new book, So Long Insecurity and it has me thinking about a lot of my past behaviors. It made me wonder - what makes you insecure? What behaviors come out of your insecurity?

I know for me, I never want someone to think I am not shirking my weight. I probably tend to take on WAY TOO MUCH because I don't want anyone to think I am lazy or not able to do as much because I have smaller children, etc. I am insecure about always wanting my house to be straight and clean. I am insecure about my children's behavior reflecting on my parenting skills (or lack thereof). I worry about dozens more trivial issues. What it boils down to is this - I need to accept that God loves me for who I am. I need to REALLY grasp that he has a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29 :11) and that he TOTALLY created me to be who I am and wants me to give my insecurities over to him.

As moms, sisters, wives, girlfriends, aunts, daughters and friends we HAVE TO GET PAST ALL THE LIES. We HAVE to start being transparent and honest with each other. How does it help me to have a friend who seems "perfect"? It doesn't - it makes my insecurities even more inflamed! It is ok to talk about our struggles, to ask for prayer for something deeper, something at our core. If we can't be in this journey together, then what are we doing?

God is BIGGER than our fears, our scars, our worries, our PAST, our mistakes, our achievements, our failed relationships, and the list goes on. He knows you and calls you by name. He knows how many hairs are on your head. He created the moon, the stars and the sky. If he can do all of that, can he not take care of whatever is holding you back? YES HE CAN. If you want some "change you can believe in" - GOD IS THAT CHANGE! Only he can truly transform a heart laden with worry and sorrow into a joyful heart full of praise. Is this easy? Certainly not - but the trial and pain of that change is worth it! Think of childbirth - it hurts - but the result is SO worth that pain!

I am praying for you friends. I encourage you to get this book. Read it. Discuss it with some friends you really trust. Be honest and open. Ask God to expose to you the insecurities in your life that are holding you back from truly having a complete relationship with him.

HE will not let you down!

A run to remember

SO I got the bright idea to run tonight after our church service from our church back to my house. Turns out it is 6.3 miles!!!!! I talked Meredyth and Tara into doing it with me. It was great. We had to stop and walk once or twice, but we did it and I feel GREAT right now. I probably won't be able to sleep tonight or walk tomorrow. Our time was not the greatest, but it definitely set the bar and we were only supposed to do 5 miles according to our training calendar for tonight. I have never run with someone else before so it was a nice change. I hope we get to run together more often!
The McDonald's coke that Mere and I got at the end definitely made it worthwhile :)

In the Name of the Lord.....

I love PALM SUNDAY and Holy Week. I love reading and re-reading the scripture about Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem. I find myself there - hearing the crowds cheer, watching people throw their robes and tunics and palm leaves on the ground for his colt to walk over. I think it would be a feeling of power, a surge of excitement and acknowledgment that something historic was taking place. I am taken immediately to my movie-mind imagination where I see events as they may have unfolded. I can feel the dust in the air and the sand under my feet. I can feel the crowded streets bulging and imagine pushing my way to the front of the crowd so I could see this man they called Jesus, the King of Kings, the Great Teacher from Nazareth.
"HOSANNA" "Blessed is He who comes in the name of the LORD!"
I can hear the words of the Sandy Patti song, "In the Name of the Lord" begin to start spilling over in my mind as my ears well up with tears......

Crowds Have Lined The Narrow Street
To See This Man From Galilee
Just A Carpenter Some Say Leading Fools Astray
Yet Many Kneel To Give Him Praise

And In His Eyes They Glimpse The Power
That Sees The Heart Of All Men
And He Knows His Fathers Mind And He Speaks His Fathers Words
For He Comes In The Name Of The Lord

There Is Strength In The Name Of The Lord
There Is Power In The Name Of The Lord
There Is Hope In The Name Of The Lord
Blessed Is He Who Comes In The Name Of The Lord

When My Plans Have Fallen Through
And When My Strength Is Nearly Gone
When There's Nothing Left To Do But Just Depend On You
And The Power Of Your Name

And When We Call Upon Your Name
Your Strength Through Weakness To Show
We Can Know The Master Plan Extend The Masters Hand
When We Come In The Name Of The Lord

There Is Strength In The Name Of The Lord
There Is Power In The Name Of The Lord
There Is Hope In The Name Of The Lord
Blessed Is He Who Comes In The Name Of The Lord

His Name Will Be Worshipped Forever
Creator Redeemer And King And King

There Is Strength In The Name Of The Lord
There Is Power In The Name Of The Lord
There Is Hope In The Name Of The Lord
Blessed Is He Who Comes
Blessed Is He Who Comes
Blessed Is He Who Comes In The Name Of The Lord
In The Name Of The Lord

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. As my preacher said today - things happen JUST AS HE SAID THEY WOULD (see Luke 19:28-40). Later this week I hope to have a post about all of the prophecies about/of Christ that have been fulfilled. I pray you will know HIS power, HIS strength, HIS plan for your life. I pray HE will be just as real to you today as his was to those who lined those streets 2000 years ago. Will you worship HIM? Will you kneel to HIM - giving HIM your life? Will you proclaim HIS glory? Will you share that treasure with others? I pray this Easter will forever change you!

Cheering on the Cats

So I am actually in my comfy clothes, anxiously awaiting the UK vs. Cornell game which should tip off in about 43 minutes. I was thinking today about how long I have watched UK basketball - basically since I was in the womb!! I grew up with family that was CRAZY wild about the Cats. It was simply understood in my household that you cheered for UK (and the Cleveland Browns). I grew up not only watching, but learning to understand the game of basketball and football. I LOVE sports. I can get into games and be riled at the television and my husband thinks I am crazy. Isn't it truly amazing how excited we all get about sporting events? Is it because it is an escape? Is it merely entertaining?
I recently called my grandparents who are 86 and 83 years old. My Mammaw informed me that she was no longer watching UK play (HA!). She was disgusted with the way they had played in the previous game and just couldn't stand it anymore. My Pappaw's response to this was "HALLELUJAH!" He said now he would be able to watch a game in peace - without her "coaching" from the couch. They crack me up! But, they are simply like most everyone else I know. Most Kentucky fans seem to know everything about offense/defense, who should play, how they should play and more.
I hope Kentucky wins tonight, I really do! But, I also know that my life is not going to change if they win or lose. I don't know that some people in my life can say the same thing!
C-A-T-S, Cats, Cats, Cats!!!!

SUPER movie deal

I SCORED a deal today/yesterday. ToysRUs had a promotion for the newly rereleased Toy Story 1 and 2 on DVD/Blueray oombo. If you preordered them yesterday, you paid $5 to reserve them and got $5 off. They were already on sale for $21.99. Then, if you go to the following website: http://disney.go.com/disneymovierewards/tsupgrade/?cmp=dmov_dmr_emc_tsupgrade_wdshetest you can input UPC codes from the older versions of the movies. I was able to print coupons for $10 off each movie. I bought two sets (one for my nephew for his birthday and one for my kiddos) and ended up paying only $6.99 total for each movie. Another promotion yesterday was a $15.00 voucher towards a different Disney movie. Since I preordered 4, I got Ratatouille and Wall-E for $.36 each!!!!!! I am seriously riding a deal high right now. A big thanks to my friend, Tara, who always stalks the deals and let's me in on them.

Even if you missed out on the preorder deal, you can still make use of the UPC coupon code and get $10 off.

Starting a Garden

Greg and I have decided to start a vegetable garden this year. In the past two years I have done container vegetables - cherry tomatoes, slicer tomatoes and bell peppers. I attempted squash and zucchini last year, but had some trouble with the plant getting dry rot. Greg bought a book specifically about growing vegetables in Kentucky. We have made our list of what we are going to grow.
Vegetables:
tomatoes
grape tomatoes
bell peppers
banana peppers
green onions
lettuce
cucumbers
zucchini
potatoes
squash
pole beans
We are also considering pumpkins and corn.
I know - we are ambitious! But Greg used to help his mom when she would grow vegetables. Blake and Noah are SUPER excited about this venture. As you can see in the picture below, they were anxious to help Greg on Saturday when he began digging the plot for the garden. Noah said he was "helping Daddy turn over the ground".

I think this will be a summer long science lesson! The best part is, we get to eat the benefits from our work! I hope to continue to post pictures as we make more progress.

Not just a coincidence

So Monday night I was restless and still messed up by the time change, I guess. I was wide awake and decided to catch up reading some friends' blogs. At about 11:30pm I read my friend, Monica's blog. Hers is linked on my page and is entitled "Name Them One by One". She wrote about having sick kids and how blessed she is that she is a stay at home mom and can take care of them - even her "big" kids. She may have to rearrange a few things on her schedule, but she is able to devote that time to them and not have the worries of what meeting she is missing, what presentation still has to be given, etc. I read that and thought - "What a fabulous attitude!". If you know Monica at all, you would know what a blessing she is and such a servant of God.
I wrapped up my reading and decided to go to bed. I brushed my teeth, got on pajamas, went through the nightly routine. Greg was actually already asleep in the five minutes that it took me to do those things. He has the television on in our room and I found myself drifting off to the sounds of Jay Leno and the Tonight Show.
MAYBE ten minutes later, I hear Noah scream. I hear his bedroom door fling open and jumped up out of bed to see what was wrong. As I made it into the boys' bathroom, I soon discovered he was throwing up. LOVE HIS HEART! It was awful. Needless to say, he was a mess. I spent the next several hours up and down with him. He was sick off and on until about 9:30 the next morning. All day Tuesday he slept off and on, dozing in and out of pain and he was so puny. It makes me miserable when they are like that and there is really not much I can do to fix it.
After I laid back down the first time, those words from Monica's blog kept going through my head. I had spent over an hour earlier that night planning my day for Tuesday. I was taking Noah to get his allergy shots and then we were going to run several errands. I had lined up coupons with sales at a few stores. Obviously that was not going to happen! But I was struck by the knowledge that I COULD rearrange my day. It might be inconvenient, but everything would keep! I could stay home and take care of him, comfort him, cover him with a blanket and get him a cool washcloth for his forehead. I realized that instead of grumbling over my own loss of sleep and the interruption to my "schedule", I should be thankful for the little boy who needed me most in that moment!
Of course, i wasn't perfect. I was tired. Andy was irritable because Noah was getting more of my attention. But then my amazing husband showed up and sent me to take a nap. Noah and Andy were sleeping too and he held down the fort while I slept for an hour or so. What a blessing to me! It was just enough to recharge before a busy night ahead. Fortunately, Noah was on the upswing and was able to get up and drink some water and eat some bland foods. I kept him with me again today, to be safe and let him regain his strength.
Thank you Monica for the reminder I needed at EXACTLY the right time! Thank you Lord that you have blessed me with these three boys to care for and who "mess up" my schedule.

My little one

AHHH....I do not think there is anything more precious than holding a sweet little boy and rocking him to sleep. Andy is such a cuddly, sweet boy all the time. Most nights, he prefers to get a hug and a kiss and go straight to bed. All three of my boys have been low maintenance when it comes to bed time. We've said prayers, read stories and tucked them in early - usually no later than 8:30. Tonight, for some reason, Andy began to cry out after he laid down. I ignored it for a few minutes, but when he persisted, I decided to check on him. When I peeked in, he was still lying down but crying. I scooped him up and asked if he wanted to rock. He said yes and I obliged. As I sat there in the darkness, listening to the music play, I was struck by how blessed I was. I was patting his back to the rhythm of the song that was on the radio. One tiny little chubby hand was curled around my finger. Then the other little hand began to pat my back as I patted his. It was PRECIOUS! Although I could have put him back in bed sooner, I let myself rock on for a few extra moments, content to just enjoy my little one. He was warm in his footie pajamas covered in dogs (his favorite!) and his little head was perfectly curled into my shoulder. I found myself thinking how perfect that moment was and how incredible it is to be a mom.
Thank you, Lord, for blessing me. My cup truly runneth over right now.

Just another day....

So I have been secretly dreading my birthday. I keep thinking I don't want to get any older! 34 sounds SO OLD to me! What happened to 25? WOW! My sister and I have a little ongoing joke about my age. Her husband, Josh, told me when I turned 25 that I was now on the "wrong side of 25". I sent that back to him when he turned 25, five years later. Today she told me "at least you are still on the right side of 35" - YIKES!!!!
Today in church during our prayer time I was struck by the thought that instead of dwelling on how "old" I feel or the negative side of aging I should focus on the positive! I am blessed that I have one more day, one more year with my family and friends. I am blessed to have great health and love in my life. I have accomplished much in my 34 years, thanks to God's blessings and I believe he will accomplish more through me in the future.
Age really is just a number - it is not just a cliche! I do not feel old. I feel young! I am going to concentrate on that from now on!

These feet are made for running....

So yesterday Greg took off a half day from work and we went to Jon's Run Walk Shop to find a new pair of running shoes for MOI! FUN TIMES! I found out several random things about myself - first of all my right foot is a little larger than an 8 and my left foot is barely a 7 1/2. Secondly, I supernate - which means I stand/lean on the outer sides of my arch/feet. This of course impacts the way I run/wear out shoes. I tried on about 7 pairs of shoes. This may sound funny, but I am not a fan of all white tennis shoes. I ended up with a silver pair by Mizuno that are comfortable and stylish! Greg made me go outside and run up and down the alley in them - I was NOT dressed for this! We purchased the shoes and made our way to Target. I found a couple of running shorts/capris and two more shirts. One pair of shorts are kelly green with a white and fuschia stripe - SO ME! I've never been one of those girls who had "workout" clothes. I simply wore old t-shirts and shorts to run/workout. But it is nice to have a few things to wear, especially for upcoming races.
Right now these are the races I am planning to run this year:
May 8 -Activate America 5 mile race in Frankfort
June 11 - Proactive 5K in Frankfort Register here: http://www.proactivetherapy.org/RegForm2010-F1.pdf
July 4- Bluegrass 10K More info here: http://www.lexingtonky.gov/index.aspx?page=235
August 14- Midsummer Night's Run 5K in Lexington
September 12 - Half Marathon in Chicago

I made add one or two more, but I think these are pretty ambitious for now!
Happy running!

I love a good deal!

I scored a great deal at Rite Aid tonight. I found it on www.moneysavingmom.com and you can get jumbo packs of pampers for as low as $2.74 per pack. They are on sale there and then I had $2 off coupons for all three packs of diapers and a $1 off wipes. I then used the $3 of $15 purchase for a total of $22 for 3 packs of diapers and a box of wipes. Rite Aid is also offering a promotion where you get a $10 gift card if you spend $30. Check it out!

Another great deal I received this week involved a rebate check in the mail from Kraft Foods. They had a promotional earlier in the year that was fabulous and if you bought 5 Kraft Easy Macs, 5 boxes of Capri Suns and 10 Nabisco products, you got a $20 rebate check. I waited until Kroger had one of their Mega Event Sales and all of those items were on sale. I combined coupons with the sale price for GREAT deals and then got the $20 back in addition!!

I am currently awaiting 3 other rebate checks in the mail totaling $40 or more. In this economy, every little bit counts! Keep your eyes open for great deals and share the information with your friends!

Down on the Farm

Tara and I were asked to make a cake for our boys' preschool class this week. They have been studying farming and things that happen on a farm. There was a cake in the recent issue of Family Fun magazine that looked like a farm with a barn and silo. Then they made cupcakes look like cows, chicks and pigs. We decided to tackle this and this is the finished product:
The Cupcakes

The Farm Cake



We were pretty proud of ourselves! It took us about 3 hours from start to finish. We had to melt chocolate for icing and putting the pretzel fence together. We dyed the coconut yellow-orange to make the chick. The pig has starburst ears and marshmallows dipped in pink sugar to make the nose. Orange sugar candies made the wings and beaks of the chicks. The cows had the bottom of a gum drop with red twizzler pieces for a nose and nostrils. The barn is made from a pound cake covered in icing and lined with twizzlers. The silo is three cupcakes stacked high and held in place with a bamboo skewer. Those were iced and covered with twizzlers. Both the barn and silo have cereal for roofs.
Hopefully the little four year olds and their "reading buddies" will enjoy this treat tomorrow at preschool!

Don't pray for patience.....

Unless you want your patience to be tried! Recently I found myself praying for more patience - with my children, with life's little hiccups, with work, home, etc. This weekend - my patience test was delivered! We packed a lot into our "lazy weekend". The weather was fabulous and we had to make the most of it!
Friday night we went out to eat at Fazoli's with some friends and so Greg could pack in the carbs before his 5K race in Louisville Saturday morning. Then we went to Jason and Jenny's house so Greg could help Jason move some plywood sheets to the attic for their remodel project.
Saturday morning Greg was up and out of the house around 5:30 to get to his race. The boys were up early which meant I was too! We did various projects around the house. Greg washed both his car and van when he got home (He ran the 5K in 21 minutes by the way!!). I put away all my snowmen decorations and got out the Easter eggs and bunnies. Spring is here - NO MORE SNOW! The boys played outside for about 4-5 hours. I ran almost 3.5 miles and then we all got cleaned up and went to Gattitown in Lexington. Patience test #1 -Gattitown was OVERCROWDED. Finding a table was a feat in and of itself. We played a few games after dinner and then headed over to the Kroger Marketplace. That was when patience test #2 occurred - 3 kids in Kroger and I got sick! Now, who really wants to get sick in the bathroom at Kroger? NOT ME! We came home and got ready for bed.
Sunday morning found me up at 6 to get to church for band rehearsal and to sing in both church services. The first service I truly felt like a slug. I had NO ENERGY at all. I was pitiful. I left after singing, stopped for some caffeine and prayed I would recharge between services. We came home after second service and watched the UK vs. Florida basketball game. UK won! Then Greg decided to take Blake and Noah outside to play while he cut up a tree that had fallen in our backyard during a previous storm this winter. I decided to take a short nap. I knew I needed one, but it was so pretty outside, I felt bad sleeping. No matter - patience test #3 - I fell asleep only to be awakened by the phone fifteen minutes later! Then I could not go back to sleep. I went outside and cleaned out all of my flower beds, trimmed back rose bushes and more. The boys were great helpers! They used their wheel barrel and rakes and picked up all the leaves and dead flowers. Then I decided to go for a run - got in another 3 miles! YEAH!!! Greg ran before me and put together dinner while I ran. Then it was time for haircuts. Greg cut all three boys' hair and then showers for all! We picked out clothes for school, checked backpacks and read bedtime stories. I went to bed thinking I might get to sleep in a little in the am because Greg was going to wake the boys up and get them ready for school.
Patience test #4 - Greg woke me up at 7 to say that Noah was crying and did not want to go to school. He said his ear hurt and he didn't feel good. I got his shoes off and jacket and got him back in bed with me. He slept for another hour or so. We got up, got an appointment for him at the pediatrician, got dressed, fed Andy and left for Lexington. I was going to take him for allergy shots, go to Target and then the pediatrician. If I had time, I was meeting Greg at Jon's Run/Walk shop for new running shoes. As I neared my first stop, Noah shouts out - "Mommy! Andy is throwing up!" - insert patience test #5 - so we pulled over at Target. I spent the next 30 minutes cleaning Andy up, taking off his now dirty clothes, putting on new clothes, cleaning up the carpet and his carseat. I put his carseat in the very back and moved Noah's up front and had Noah sit in the booster seat. We went into Target to purchase not only the birthday present but socks,shirt, pants and shoes for Andy and more wipes.
Then we headed over to the pediatrician and squeaked in right at the appointed time. Greg met me there and sat with Andy out in the van. He said Andy just sat there and he read to him, but he didn't really talk or want any food. We found out that Noah's eardrum either burst or he had a small perforation so he has to take antibiotics and we have to put drops in his ear. Poor guy! I was literally pulling out of the doctor's office parking lot when Andy threw up for the second time. I pulled over at the next shopping center, got Andy out, cleaned him off, changed his clothes again, wiped off the carseat and then promptly drove through McDonald's for a coke - I figured I'd earned it at this point!!!!!
We went to pick up Blake at school. We were twenty minutes early. Andy was asleep. He woke up when Blake got in the car. As we headed across town to drop off Noah's prescriptions and go home, Andy threw up for the third time. He was pitiful!
I got him home, new clothes on and in bed. I removed ALL stuffed animals and books from his bed in case he would get sick again! I didn't want to have to throw away his beloved giraffe or elephant. I got Noah medicine and down for a nap.
Patience test #5 - Taking the covers off two carseats was like wrestling an alligator! Who designs these things? I finally got the covers off and in the washer along with all of the clothing. Then I had to hose off the plastic part of the car seats. There was stuff in EVERY crevice. I then cloroxed them and left them to dry in the sun.
HALLELUJAH! It is only 6pm and I feel like I have been run over by a semi-trailer. Who says being a parent is easy?
As I finish this entry, it is after 11pm. Poor Andy has gotten sick several more times. I hate seeing my kids sick. It is so hard because I want to fix it for them, and in this instance, there is nothing I can do.
I do know one thing - I am praying my patience is not tested again tomorrow! Hopefully all of my little guys will be back to 100% in the morning!

Fuel for the run

So yesterday my friend and I decided to run before we had to pick up our sons from preschool. She came over to my house and we were going to trade off running while the other one watched our two youngest kiddos. Great plan, right? Well, Tara ran first and I got my running gear on. She got back and I took off. I was so looking forward to running because I had missed Wednesday night with working at school all day and church that evening. I got about 2/3 of the way through my run and I literally could not keep going. I knew I had run much further than that Saturday and Monday, so I started thinking - "what is wrong with me?". Then it hit me - I did not eat breakfast. I was so busy doing stuff around the house that I forgot. HELLO!!! You can't run without energy. I came back home and gobbled up some mini muffins and drank about a liter of water and suddenly felt so much better. I started thinking about this and how it can relate to other areas of my life. If I offer myself up as a servant of God, but have no "food" to fuel my energy, I will falter fast. I have to fill up on his Word to get my sustenance and refuel. My words and actions will simply be empty if not fueled by HIS words and actions. My steps will seem insignificant if not following in HIS footsteps.
I am so thankful that God takes the time to teach me - even in ways that may seem small and simple to many. It shows me that he loves me, yes even little ol' me, so much that he orchestrates moments to teach me. Through very ordinary circumstances, he can produce extraordinary results! I just have to be attentive and open to his guidance.

Why I love my husband.....

There are many things I can list about why I love my husband. For some reason, this is on my mind and I felt the need to recite a few things.
1-He loves me - truly!
2 - He lovingly lets me sleep late on Saturday mornings.
3-He is as OCD about things as I am....just different things. Like he sets out everything for breakfast the night before....measuring cup, bowl, spoon, etc. :)
4 - He has shown great discipline in running and focusing on getting healthy.
5 - He encourages me to run and does not mind to watch the boys so I can accomplish that task.
6 - He works extremely hard in order for me to stay home and raise our boys.
7 - He is reading his Bible, striving to be a better husband, father and follower of Christ.
8 - He indulges my whims, like wanting to watch Friends reruns (he went and got seasons 2-5 for me so far!), and seems happy to do so.
9 - He graciously allows me to get out and have nights with friends or be involved in ministry and singing on the worship team. He watches the boys, does the bedtime ritual all by himself and does not grumble about this.
10 - He seems to like my scrapbooking obsession and happily indulges me with gadgets and better printers/photo paper.
11- If I even mention something I would like, he usually researches it online and finds a good deal, tells me where I can find it, etc.
12- He loves to play with my hair :)
13- He supports me in my quest to be a better mom and wife.
14- He is generous with his time and always willing to lend a hand to a friend.
15- He is extremely intelligent.
16- He is generous with his money and diligently gives his tithe and offering to church and other worthy causes.
17 - He takes the time to explain things and teach the boys about things I know ABSOLUTELY nothing about (like physics, building something, electrical current, etc.) :)

The list can go on and on...but most importantly, he just loves me - warts and all. I know I can try his patience and I can dig my heels in and be STUBBORN. He just waits me out and gives me space. I am so grateful for his love and the way he loves our kids. God has blessed me immensely. I can honestly say that I love him more now than I did almost eight years ago (March 30) when we married. I am grateful for the ways he can still make my toes curl or make me laugh deep belly laughs. Praise God for putting us in one another's paths and guiding us toward the other. He knew what he was doing!